When You Want to Run Away

The date was Saturday, October 19, 2013. I remember it well for this was the day I was to be the featured speaker at a ladies brunch. The expected crowd was about 40 ladies, but I was beyond excited. It was my first women’s event invite not to come from family or friends. I felt like I was finally making some progress toward my dream of writing and speaking His truth into the hearts of women. I was ready to become the next “Beth Moore!” I know. I hear your laughter. 🙂

Little did I know what was to come.

Yes, I was more prepared than I have ever been. I was prayed up. I had my notes and my powerpoint. I had my cute little outfit and my “hairdo.” I was ready to take on the ‘speaking world,’ or so I thought.

I entered the beautiful little church building, as a team was finishing up with last minute touches on the brunch. The tech prepared my sound needs. The women’s director introduced her team members. Pink and white flowers decorated the tables. Door prizes carefully lined the back wall. Every detail was in place for a great morning.

Except, I quickly disappeared into the bathroom sick with nervousness. My stomach was in knots. My mouth was dry. My thoughts were blurred. I knew I could not do this in my power. In the bathroom stall, I prayed; “Lord help me. I thought I could do this, but now I want to run away. I am beyond nervous, and these people think I have a word to share. I need You to give me ‘something’ to know I can do the assignment You gave me. Give me the will to stay and accomplish what is before me with a glorious victory.”

I quietly composed myself and finally re-entered the social event. The coordinator met me at the back of the room and asked me to place my belongings at the reserved table near the stage. To ease the awkwardness, I commented on the beauty of the centerpieces as I took a spot at the table.

I settled in my chair and awkwardly waited for the room to fill as I sipped from the water cup. Then it happened! My eye caught a glimpse of the wording on a gifted bookmark at each table setting. I do not know if every marker had the same verse, but mine read “God is within her, she will not fall.” Psalm 46:5 (NIV) To me, at that moment, it was a direct answer to my plea just minutes before in the bathroom. I knew God Himself was saying the words to me. I found a profound strength. He gave me power from those eight words. I knew God was within me. He would see this through. He would not let me fail.

Through the power within me, I taught that day as I have never taught before. Words flowed from my mouth. I spoke with clarity and vigor. Ladies soaked in the presentation. Some ladies cried. Some laughed, but I believe all attendees walked away challenged. It was a “God Thing.”

For a few years, that book-marker traveled with me to speaking events. I had it tucked within my notebook. Often now, I will repeat the verse before I give a message.

I tell you this story because my sweet friend, I do not know what you are facing as you read this post. Today may be the best day you’ve ever had or the worst. Either way, I do believe as we cry out to Him, He gives what is needed to move forward for each season of life. As a Christian, the Holy Spirit lives within. He provides strength when we are afraid.  He gives the wisdom to accomplish each dream placed within our hearts. He blesses you and me with His grace to have victory in our struggles. Whatever you are facing today, whether it is a mountain of laundry, tantrums of a two-year-old, or sickness to overcome or a witness to give, He is for you and not against you. He is so close to you; He lives within you. You can step into victory today as you lean on His power.

Next time you are overwhelmed with doubt and feel like running away, remember this verse and trust his power.

“God is within her she will not fall.” Psalm 46:5 (NIV)